Constellations and destiny: can we change our life path?

How much of our lives is written in the stars and how much can we change by our choices? Are we truly free or are we following a script handed down by our family?
These are questions that come up often in working with Family Constellations.
According to Bert Hellinger, our destiny is deeply intertwined with the dynamics of our family system, but this does not mean that we cannot transform it.

Family constellations show us that many of the difficulties we encounter-in relationships, in work, in health-are not just personal, but belong to a larger stream: our family heritage. However, understanding and honoring these dynamics allows us to break free from them and write a new history.

Are we free or are we following a script written by our family?

From birth, we inherit more than genetic traits: we absorb beliefs, behavior patterns, fears and aspirations that belong to our family. Often, without realizing it, we reproduce the experiences of those who have gone before us.

Some examples of recurring family scripts:

• Repeating parental relationships: a person may attract similar partners to his or her mother or father, unconsciously reliving the same conflicts.
• Blocks to success: those who come from a family where money was a source of suffering or conflict may find it difficult to create abundance.
• Guilt and self-sabotage: those who have ancestors who have suffered deeply may unconsciously feel guilty about their happiness and sabotage their opportunities.
• Inherited fears: trauma of war, migration or financial failure can leave an emotional imprint on subsequent generations.

Constellations show that although these scripts affect us, we can become aware of them and break the cycle. The first step is to recognize these patterns and understand that our lives are not meant to repeat themselves mechanically.

The concept of love orders and personal destiny

Bert Hellinger identified three orders of love that govern our family system. When these orders are respected, energy flows harmoniously; when they are violated, suffering and blockages can emerge.

The orders of love are:

• Belonging: everyone is entitled to a place in the family system. If one member is forgotten, excluded or rejected, someone in subsequent generations may unconsciously take his or her place.
• Hierarchical order: there is a natural order in the family (parents come before children, ancestors before descendants). When this order is reversed, difficulties and hardships may emerge.
• Balance between giving and receiving: in relationships, especially couples, there must be a harmonious exchange. If one gives too much or too little, the balance breaks down.

When a person finds himself trapped in a painful family fate, it is often because one of these orders has been broken. Work with Constellations helps restore order, bringing peace and freedom.

How constellations can help us rewrite our history

If the past influences our present, it is also true that the present can rewrite the future. Family Constellations make it possible to “see” what was previously hidden and bring awareness to the knots of destiny.

How can this transformation take place?

• Acknowledging and honoring the past: instead of fighting against family legacies, we can acknowledge and honor them, freeing ourselves from unconscious identifications.
• Restoring order to the system: by restoring balance among the orders of love, we can interrupt patterns of suffering.
• Consciously choose: when we become aware of inherited scripts, we can stop repeating them and choose new paths.
• Incorporate new rituals and actions: small symbolic acts, such as writing a letter to an ancestor, honoring those who have been excluded, or simply changing a habit, can have a profound impact.

Conclusion

The Family Constellations teach us that although we are bound to our history, we are not condemned to repeat it. We can become the authors of our own destiny, bringing light where there was darkness before and consciously choosing who we want to be.

If you want to learn more about constellations and inner freedom, also read our article on three real cases of transformation through family constellations.

Giulio

Esperto di psicologia, spiritualità e ipnoterapia, con un percorso di vita che abbraccia culture, discipline e luoghi che spaziano dall’Asia al Sud America.